The Author’s Story

When I entered into a relationship with a Christian man who denied his addiction to porn, my world spun totally out of control. During the few years that I was with him I experienced a series of misadventures through seething anger, co-dependent obsessions, depression, the temptation to cheat, and the silent screams of emotional rape.

My ex told me that if I loved him unconditionally I would trust him despite his porn-viewing habit. He demanded my trust despite his own untrustworthy behavior. His perversion of love had me chained to guilt and self-blame. It was clearly emotional abuse, but I didn’t admit this to myself until after the relationship was over.

After the break-up my healing came as a relief, but it was also gut-wrenching. What a difference I felt when meeting my husband-to-be, a man whose unconditional love lifted me up. My now-husband actually grieved with me while we dated, bringing me to the healing I needed before we eventually married. He is one of those rare men who genuinely knows the meaning of ‘honour’ and ‘cherish’.

I learned from my husband that in a truly healthy relationship, a husband will show that he’s worthy of his wife’s trust – he doesn’t need to ask for (much less, demand) her trust because he earns it through his devotion and faithfulness to her.